Transform your life using therapy
If you can find the right therapist, therapy can be a very powerful tool for helping you to transform your life.
It works by developing a relationship in which safety can be established, problems can be unpacked, choices uncovered and support found for taking the action needed to resolve difficulties of every sort.
Professional help can be invaluable if you find yourself unable to solve particular life problems, despite your best efforts. Human beings are biologically designed to seek connection with one another for just this reason. None of us can flourish using our own wits and skills alone. We will all need to ask for help at some point, as we reach the limits of our own resourcefulness.
Starting can be hard for people who don’t trust easily
This can be hard, especially for individuals who have learned to be heavily self-reliant.
Good therapy is contained within ethical guidelines and is conducted within boundaries that maintain the physical, psychological and spiritual safety of both the therapist and client, therefore helping the relationship deepen and become more useful over time. This can be true even for people who rarely find trusting others easy.
The confidential nature of therapy relieves the fear of being vulnerable in front of people who know us in other contexts. It allows people to get honest with themselves and reflect on who they really are, behind the masks they may show to others.
What therapy is not
What therapy shouldn’t be is advice on how you should live. A good therapist travels alongside you, they don’t lead you. What this means in practice is that the therapist isn’t an expert on you and your life. Their expertise lies in helping you to unpack your values, priorities, beliefs etc, not decide for you what these should be.
I think that in a good therapeutic relationship, the therapist should be showing their client where the client’s control lies in his or her life: where they are autonomous, free and resourceful and using the power of choice. A good therapist does not see themselves in charge. They see themselves as collaborators in the session with their clients.
This means that therapy is not a quick fix. People have to look within themselves for the answers that are already waiting for them. Therapy’s strength lies in helping you to gently meet yourself, slowly and intimately, at a pace that you unconsciously set for yourself. It should feel safe, even in moments when your worldview shifts, or you come face-to-face with your flaws and missteps. Patience paves the way for change.
When you find the right therapist you will feel supported, not manipulated.
How to find the right therapist
If you’ve been in therapy before, but didn’t think the therapy delivered the results you were hoping for, don’t give up on therapy, but maybe reflect on these questions:
Was the therapist registered with a professional body such as the Australian Counselling Association (ACA) or the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA)? These bodies require their members to have relevant training and qualifications, follow ethical guidelines, be supervised in their practice with clients and undertake ongoing professional training. This provides you with the assurance that you can have confidence in their members’ competence and safety as practitioners.
Is your therapist a specialist in the issue you want to address? I believe it’s important to see a therapist who specialises. Just as you would ask a medical specialist to address a specific physical issue, I believe the same approach works best for mental health care. Picking a therapist who primarily works with grief, or life transitions, or gender issues or addiction, is more likely to afford you better outcomes that seeing a therapist who claims to work with a diverse range of any and all issues.
Do you like the therapist? Don’t forget that therapy works through the quality of the connection built between the therapist and the client. If you’re not sure you like your therapist, they are probably not the right choice for you. And never forget, you can change your therapist. You’re not stuck with them.
Do you look forward to your sessions? Do you have stuff you want to talk about with your therapist? Do you generally feel more positive and hopeful when you leave their office than when you went in? Are you learning to trust them with your thoughts and feelings? If you find the right therapist, these are important signs confirming this is the case.
Don’t give up on yourself
Good therapy, the kind that really helps someone make meaningful, long-term change to their life and well-being, is available. But there’s no one-size-fits-all and it’s a very personal choice.
So, if you’ve tried therapy before and you came away disappointed, don’t give up. Keep searching for, and find, the right therapist for you. You deserve to live with a sense of positivity, contentment and freedom, and the right help for you is out there waiting for your to call.