“I’ll stop when I’m ready”
A familiar refrain heard from someone with a drinking problem is that they intend to stop drinking so much, or even stop drinking altogether, but only when they are ready. And they aren’t quite ready yet.
This can leave loved ones and friends of the problem drinker, and even the drinker themselves, frustrated or confused. The drink is causing problems, so why not stop now?
It helps to understand what’s really going on underneath that refrain.
What’s really going on?
An alcoholic is someone who continues to drink alcohol regardless of the consequences.
So, we can recognise alcoholic drinking not by how much, how frequently, what, where, when or with whom a person drinks, but by what happens when a person drinks.
And regardless of the chaos or negative consequences that follow a drink (sometimes or all of the time), that person will still pick up another drink at some point in the future.
So, if an alcoholic says they want to stop drinking, or intend to stop drinking, but not just yet, then what are they really saying?
They are revealing that they are alcoholics. Perhaps not in words to themselves or to anyone else, but to having the symptoms of the condition. Because they would be able to make the rational decision to stop if they weren’t alcoholic. Because any consequence of their drinking is not enough to make them stop.
When is the right time for things to change?
So this brings me round to the topic of this post: when is the right time for a problem drinker to stop drinking?
This is an important question, because unfortunately, the nature of alcoholism is that over time the consequences of drinking will always get worse, not better; and since consequences don’t signal a motivation to stop drinking for an alcoholic, what then?
The time is now
When considering the right time to jump off the hamster wheel of alcohol and chaos, for an alcoholic the answer has to be now.
Now is the only right time because tomorrow never comes, and there’s no knowing how bad future consequences will be.
But it’s important to acknowledge that alcoholism is not in the bottle, it’s in the person. Alcoholism capitalises on a fear of letting go of alcohol, regardless of how much suffering follows another drink. Making the decision to stop drinking is rarely an easy one, because the condition of alcoholism is deep-seated, persuasive and powerful.
The way people overcome alcoholism isn’t to get to a point of no fear and then choose to stop drinking. It’s to sit with the fear of deciding to stop drinking just long enough to seek help.
Getting help is the way forward
It is by landing that fear in the hands of people who know the path to getting sober, that individuals learn to live well without leaning on alcohol.
Without the right connection, giving up alcoholic drinking is just too hard.
Not only is it impossible to learn how to live a joyful life without alcohol if you don’t have guidance; but alcoholism is also highly resistant to will-power. Without help, alcoholism will take every alcoholic back to drinking sooner or later; or get them to pick up an alternative addictive behaviour to make up for the gap left by avoiding alcohol. Nasty.
So, this is where someone like me comes in. I have the experience and expertise necessary to help someone find recovery from alcoholism. All they need is the desire to change their life for the better and the willingness to turn up for the help available.
This is the way people shift from saying “when I’m ready” to “I’m ready now” and move into a life that feels rewarding, stable, dignified and joyful.
Are you ready for change?
So, when is the right time to stop drinking, if drinking is bringing you chaos and consequences? Now is the time. But not without the right help. So please get in touch if you’re ready for the time of your life.