Addiction and pain
The terrible thing about living with any addiction is the pain that drives it and the pain it creates. But, ironically, it’s also pain that’s the main reason people seek help and recover.
Addiction is a way of dealing with life difficulties.
It is a process that gets established very early in life (current research even points to the possibility of addiction developing in the womb), as a response to relationship dynamics that repeatedly expose a child to stress.
A life of self-reliance
As the child grows, it starts to question whether it is loveable and whether others are to be trusted. Ultimately, self-reliance seems to make the most sense as a life strategy: less risky than leaning into relationships for help, guidance and solace.
But human beings aren’t very good at navigating the world without lots of help. One brain is very limited, whereas a collaboration of brains is far more effective.
Sooner or later, a very self-reliant individual begins to feel a bit lost and lonely; they discover that figuring out life’s problems becomes stressful and the solutions they find don’t always hit the mark. Relationships seem to end in conflict, confusion, or being let down a lot.
Needing an escape in life
So, drinking, drugging, eating, gambling or sex offer ways to relax and escape, or to just feel more comfortable in one’s own skin for a while.
However, frequently using these types of behaviours to feel better, is like placing a sticky plaster on a broken leg. The underlying difficulties driving the pattern remain in place and don’t get addressed or resolved.
So, someone who engages in addictive processes can’t afford to let go of them, or the pain they are masking will surface and feel overwhelming.
And even though they may have started off as helpful, eventually and inevitably, problematic drinking or drugging etc create a whole new set of problems. These will affect any or every part of a person’s life: health, relationships of all sorts, education, work, legal, financial and on and on.
These consequences compound the original pain and add a load more on top.
Needing an escape from addiction
This is when people start to wonder if they need help.
And the answer is yes.
Addiction does not resolve itself. It can’t be wished away. There is no self-help solution that works for long. Addiction is also progressive, which means it only ever gets worse over time. It may give you a break, in which you become convinced you have it under control, but then the day always comes when you start using again, or switch to using something else, and the chaos continues to spin out.
Where do you start?
So how do you deal with this?
The answer initially is to reach out to your GP for a mental health care plan and a referral to a psychologist; or you can book an appointment directly with a specialist psychotherapist like myself, for whom you do not need a referral.
Specialist help will guide you through the process of understanding the problem you’re dealing with; provide you with holistic support to help you gently transition away from using a destructive behaviour; and teach you the skills necessary to live more comfortably in your world, by uncovering the values you want to live by and helping you to make authentic choices that will get you there.
There is always hope
A life beyond addiction has already been achieved by millions of people and the number continues to grow.
If you want to let go of your pain and live a better life, then reaching out for help is your first step.