Eating disorders and recovery
The very words ‘eating disorder’ seem to imply that ways of eating which feel out of control and create unwanted consequences are rooted in the act of eating itself.
In fact, eating disorders have very little to do with food and everything to do with the experience of being in a relationship with oneself and others.
Anyone living with an eating disorder tends to have a very critical voice in their head which tells them they aren’t good enough, likeable enough or attractive enough unless they change their body shape, size or weight.
Self-esteem is key
Self-esteem is the core issue fuelling an eating disorder. Robust self-esteem allows us to value ourselves and to see ourselves as valuable to others. Fragile self-esteem makes us see ourselves as less worthy than others and impedes good relationships.
Human beings need good relationships in order to thrive. We are all imperfect and will always need help from time to time. If we think we’ll be shamed for asking for help, or worry our needs will feel like a burden to other people, we won’t learn to lean into relationships for support, or build strong, nurturing connections with others. Life is tough at times, so this puts anyone at a disadvantage. Most significantly, it gives space for an eating disorder to develop: as a distraction from all the feelings of isolation, shame, self-doubt, helplessness and worry.
What might it be like in therapy?
When I work with someone looking to move beyond disordered eating, we tend to focus very little on food and weight. I don’t have weighing scales in my consulting room: I believe my clients instinctively know if they weigh too little or are too heavy for their own comfort. I don’t create meal plans: I don’t know anyone with an eating disorder who could follow them for long anyway. I don’t tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t eat, because I find that most people with an eating disorder already know what a healthy meal looks like and anyway, who am I to know what foods my clients will enjoy eating next Thursday lunchtime?
In my experience, all of things are either a distraction from the underlying challenge of fearing not being good enough; or they fuel it by setting unreasonable and unreachable goals.
The key to working on an eating disorder in therapy is building a trusting relationship in the therapy room in which clients can figure out who they are and what values they want to live by, at a level of honesty and authenticity they may not have experienced for a very long time, if ever.
Therapy should feel safe, gentle and patient. We need that to be able to look inside ourselves and learn different ways of navigating life.
How I can help
I work with clients, male and female, living with any form of eating disorder: anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and anything in between. If eating is causing you difficulty, I’m here to help. I’m not concerned with judging how severe your challenge is, or whether you meet a clinical diagnosis. I trust that if you feel it’s a problem for you, then I’m here to support you to change that.
Without help, it’s virtually impossible to find recovery from an eating disorder. If you’d like to move beyond the discomfort of living in your own skin, please get in touch and we can start a conversation.