Ambivalence towards recovery
It can be baffling and confronting to realise that someone you care about, who is struggling with addiction, can know they’re suffering, but not really want to change.
Friends and family of an addict see the pain, chaos and trouble surrounding their loved one and cannot fathom why that person doesn’t seem to want to kick their destructive habit.
However, anyone who is used to leaning on an addiction: to drink, drugs, food, gambling, sex, or any other substance or behaviour; senses their predicament very differently.
Why letting go isn’t easy
For an addict, letting go of an addiction is a bit like being asked to do a bungee jump without any assurance that the rope is attached to their ankles.
When an addict has gotten used to leaning on a substance or behaviour to deal with their emotional overwhelm, life challenges or relationship difficulties, they won’t have developed the skills to cope with life’s ups and downs any other way. Instinctively, any addict fears that if they stop using, they will be going into battle without weapons, armour or strategy. They worry that life will get worse, not better.
And addiction itself is a survival strategy buried in the brain stem. It will never send out the message to let go because it thinks it’s keeping you safe.
This is why ambivalence towards recovery is a very normal state for someone living with alcoholism, an eating disorder or any other addiction.
What’s the solution?
So, if you’re experiencing ambivalence towards recovery, what’s the solution?
This can be different for different people. Unfortunately, pain is often the motivating factor for change. You may have heard the term ‘rock bottom’. This is a point of turnaround: a place of emotional, physical or spiritual desperation that clarifies the mind and provides the courage to seek help and change.
Others encounter inspiration. Perhaps they know someone in recovery who tells them how it’s possible to let go of the problem and find a better life. They are persuaded by the evidence in front of them and derive new hope for themselves.
For some, it’s educational. Maybe they find a therapist who reveals the nature of their difficulties in a way they hadn’t understood before, and the solution then becomes apparent. It’s interesting how many people mired in addiction have absolutely no idea that they are in fact addicts.
Occasionally, people find recovery through being compelled to find it, such as being handed a court sentence that includes compulsory attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous or other 12-Step fellowship.
Importance of autonomy and action
Whichever way ambivalence turns into a determination to get better, recovery is built on autonomy and action.
An addict in early recovery can feel fragile and very exposed, as they learn to navigate life differently and build the resilience to stay away from their addiction long-term.
But this journey has been traversed successfully by millions of people who thought they’d never live free of their addiction or an eating disorder, and found it was possible with the right help and lots of perseverance.
People who find recovery show up for themselves because they want to get well, and take the action that others have benefited from because they experience it working for them too.
Friends and family can provide a scaffolding of love and support that may prove invaluable, but they cannot rescue the one they love and mustn’t feel responsible for this impossible task.
Don’t give up giving up!
So, if you’re struggling with addiction, but feeling ambivalent about change, and you know deep down that you’d like a second chance at building a good life for yourself, please reach out for help, seek your inspiration, learn more about treatment options and consider taking action towards getting well that you may have previously rejected.
And don’t give up until you get your miracle.