Quitting alcohol and whether you have a problem with it are really things you need to decide for yourself.
Other people’s opinions about it are never very persuasive.
It’s only at the point when you know your life isn’t going the way you’d like, and that you can see for yourself that you can no longer control your drinking, that you may be ready for change.
The challenge of ambivalence to quitting
The challenge, is that problematic drinking is often propped up by feelings of ambivalence. So, when stopping drinking alcohol looks like a good solution; stopping drinking may feel unthinkable at the same time.
Most drinkers who find themselves caught up in unwanted consequences and life chaos because of their drinking, do not automatically want to give up alcohol, and they raise a range of reasonable concerns.
So how can you break through the ambivalence and move towards a better life where drinking is no longer the focus?
The cons of quitting
Let’s first look at a couple of powerful cons.
Uncertainty: the ‘what ifs?’
In general, human beings always prefer certainty to uncertainty. Even when we’re willing to take risks, we generally like to do it with some prior knowledge that there’s a good outcome on offer. If you can barely remember a time when you didn’t drink, the uncertainty of living without alcohol can bring up a lot of fear.
Shame. This is another kicker.
Maybe you’re concerned about being excluded from events, pressured by your old drinking buddies to drink again, endlessly having to justify why you’re not having a drink at parties? What will people think if you make a toast at your child’s wedding without a glass of champagne in your hand? What will your boss say if you don’t drink with your clients? What if someone finds out you’re not drinking because you can’t safely? Don’t real men drink beer at BBQs? Don’t ‘normal’ women drink cocktails on weekends away with friends?
The pros of quitting
If you’re going to stop drinking alcoholically, we need to find some far more powerful pros.
Certainty.
Sure, you may not know what life could look like without a drink, but there are plenty of sober people out there, living big, fun lives who do. This is an opportunity to explore more about living sober, in order to increase your comfort with the idea of it. Maybe, if you could be helped to connect with other sober people, they could give you a taste of how much better your life could look without alcohol? You could, perhaps, borrow a bit of courage from their experience to make positive changes in your life.
Shame.
Who wants to live with shame? But if alcohol got rid of shame, no one would choose to stop drinking. And they do.
In fact, the shame of drinking alcoholically far outweighs the risk of change.
How about the shame of people knowing you’re out of control with alcohol, even though you think you’re often able to hide it?
What about the shame of wetting the bed? The shame of drinking before going out socialising, just to make sure you have enough in your system to cope? The shame of having sex when you didn’t plan to, with someone you shouldn’t have, in a situation you didn’t know how to manage?
The shame of a court appearance? The shame of lying to cover up why you’re not turning up to work? The shame of apologising for your behaviour? Over and over.
The shame of drink-driving when it goes against your values? The shame of not remembering what you did the night before? The shame of causing fights with your spouse in an attempt to deny you drank when you promised you wouldn’t?
The shame of drinking to stop the shaking or hangover caused by drinking?
The shame of looking in the mirror and seeing someone you don’t want to be staring back at you?
So, not drinking alcohol is a far more successful strategy for avoiding shame than continuing to drink.
You get to choose
The reason why people just like you quit drinking alcohol is that they have a quiet, hopeful, persuasive voice deep inside of them that says alcohol is a problem and there must be something better on offer.
I help people stop drinking when they decide for themselves it’s time to do it. There is a well-trodden path to follow, along which you will find endless support as you journey towards your better life. You don’t need to know how it’s done because others will show you. You don’t need to know what’s on the other side, just trust it will be better. The pros always outmatch the cons, and the cons begin to look like distractions from reality.
So, choose to take care of yourself today and claim the life you were meant to lead, by reaching out and asking for help. One small step.