This is the question I hear most frequently when new clients come to see me for help with their alcohol consumption. They’ve been trying to control their drinking for some time. Sometimes they seem to have success, but then problematic drinking reoccurs without warning. So, they are rightly questioning why they can’t just drink ‘normally’ like they used to or like other people do, whenever they want.
What is alcoholism?
It’s useful to first understand that alcoholism is not defined by how often a person drinks alcohol, where they drink, what they drink or even how much they drink. Alcoholism is defined in relation to negative consequences. Alcoholics consume alcohol regardless of the negative consequences they experience, however bad they become. And over time this only worsens.
What are negative consequences?
Consequences of problematic drinking can be felt in any or all areas of a person’s life: problems with physical or mental health; problems with family, friends, lovers and in relationships of all sorts; underperforming in education and work; trouble with the law, finances and more.
In an attempt to control drinking, an alcoholic, or problem drinker, may also turn to other substances or behaviours, which then further compound the original problem. For example, using valium to manage one’s mood, taking recreational drugs instead of drinking alcohol at parties, distracting oneself with sex or new relationships, or eating high sugar/ high fat foods for comfort. The list can be long and the consequences keep piling up over time.
Why can you stop drinking, or reduce it for a while, but not for good?
It may take a bit of effort and discipline, but most alcoholics can stop drinking for a while. The problem is, it rarely lasts for long. Then the problems kick off again.
I’m simplifying here, but, basically, the reason is that alcoholism is not an issue of effort or self-control. It’s actually rooted in the survival (limbic) part of the brain and can be considered a brain stem condition that affects the whole nervous system. Alcoholics are quite literally wired differently to non-alcoholics, and this occurs as a result of early experiences in relationships.
When an alcoholic feels overwhelmed or under threat (real or perceived), picking up a drink is the brain’s solution to creating an immediate shift in mood, to block out fear and anxiety. The relief this provides contributes to a pattern of behaviour: alcohol becomes a go-to solution when emotions (good or bad) feel intense.
It’s not possible to change this wiring. It’s fixed. Unfortunately, alcoholism also sits in an alcoholic’s blindspot. You can’t see it in yourself, so you can’t control it on your own. Without learning to manage emotions differently – by learning to relate differently to oneself, others and the wider world – drinking alcohol will remain an automatic response to difficult emotional experiences, over which one can never gain control.
How is alcoholism resolved successfully?
My experience working with many, many alcoholics is that abstinence from alcohol is a necessary starting point. But don’t panic! Those who are willing to just give this a try find it’s not very hard, they immediately start seeing benefits and anyone in their life who cares about them is overwhelmingly supportive.
Abstinence matters for an alcoholic, because drinking alcohol triggers a desire for more alcohol. Moreover, will-power is never enough to overwhelm the brain’s survival responses. Sooner or later an alcoholic will pick up a drink. Survival trumps logic any day of the week.
This is why alcoholism is defined as continuing to drink alcohol regardless of the consequences. The survival part of the brain doesn’t respond to language. An alcoholic who is being triggered is unlikely to talk him or herself out of a drink. And whilst the consequences of picking up a drink may not be predictable, (alcoholism sometimes gives you a break from the bad stuff happening), the predictable part is that the consequences get progressively worse over time. Taking a drink is like playing Russian roulette.
But abstinence alone isn’t the solution.
Connection is the antidote to alcoholism.
A full plan of support for mind, body and spirit gives the best chance of success, because this has the effect of moving good ideas from the head to the heart, allowing for a profound change in the way an alcoholic thinks and behaves in the world. It finally becomes possible to live authentically, according to your values.
A combination of specialist therapy, 12-Step programmes, activities that promote calm and joy and maybe medication, make for a highly effective route away from problematic drinking and open up a world of opportunity, allowing any recovering alcoholic to flourish.
That may sound hard, but it’s really not.
Luckily, the millions of people around the world who are currently in recovery from alcoholism are evidence that it can be done, and they are living proof that it’s worth doing. Active alcoholism is always a downward spiral. Recovery is a journey towards self-love, peace, contentment and joy. Not a bad swap.
Where do you start?
First, let go of the idea that you can solve this problem on your own. You can certainly recover from alcoholism but you’re going to need help. Please contact me and I can guide and support you as you recover. Together, we can develop a solution that’s personally tailored to address your concerns, meet your needs, and change your life for the better.